The paperless office needs a paperless toilet

While wandering the industrial section of Issaquah’s Costco last February, I saw this product on the shelf:

Because you need to tweet *all* *day* *long*?You are the Mayor on FourSquare!  Shop online!  Tweet!

Naturally, a $500 toilet seat with a remote control piqued my curiosity. I spent a few minutes poring over the outside of the box trying to understand what function it serves.  The box’s messaging didn’t resonate:

  • Easy to use – Toilet seats have a pretty straightforward user interface: raise the seat if and only if you’re going to pee standing up.  Otherwise, leave the seat down.   It was amusing that they would fomplicate it buy adding a handheld control.
  • Germ resistant – This one was especially funny because I had recently re-watched the Mythbusters episode where they tested germiness of various things.  The conclusion: toilet seats were far less germy than kitchen sponges or remote controls … like the one that this device comes with.
  • Friendly to the environment –  At this point, I tuned out at the attempt at eco-guilt.

I forgot about the IntelliSeat until today, when I was in Costco to buy a cube of printer paper.  What do I see at the end of the aisle?  The IntelliSeat!  Despite the premium placement, its marketing is unchanged.  Savor the vendor’s web site:

IntelliSeat, is one of AMDM’s featured innovations, and after one use you will understand why it is the premiere electronic toilet seat on the market today. Intelliseat is a germ resistant electronic toilet seat that is easy to use and friendly to the environment. Intelliseat also offers a stylish design and a multi-function zzzzzzzzzzaewt;lweasd’asdf

I’m sorry, I fell asleep while pasting that blurb into my blog editor.

Their FAQ is rather bizarre.  For example, consider question #9:

How to you operate the Intelliseat?

Simply turn it on and let the comfort begin.

The first thought that popped into my head: Um… are they talking about the same product?  FAQ #10 is almost as weird, especially the placement of air quotes:

Can the Intelliseat be used by children, elderly, and handicapped?

Yes. Children will love the fun of using the Intelliseat and the elderly with limited mobility will relish in the fact that they simply need to stay in one position.

I finally downloaded the manual and finally get it: IntelliSeat is a way to retrofit the standard, North American commode with a bidet.  This could be a godsend for mobility-impaired people or those with hemorrhoids. Why couldn’t they just say that?

Wikihow even offers clear instructions.

2 thoughts on “The paperless office needs a paperless toilet”

  1. In Japan, the bidets there are really high tech. It keeps the toilet seat warm, sprays cool or warm water (depends on what you like), it even has the function to measure your blood pressure, blood sugar levels, etc. :O the instruction’s probably japanese though haha! 😛 I’m stuck with mine, which is the most basic types of bidets: http://products.mercola.com/toilet-bidet/ but at least it gets the job done, and mine has at least understandable instructions.

  2. We have used our BioBidet 1000 for over 5 years. My wife thought I was crazy for buying it for her birthday, but it has become a great addition to our house. We had to get the seat replaced about two years ago and we may get a newer version soon. Great device…

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