Ted is not 100% human

The Seattle PI recently wrote about the disappearance of “A day in the life of” blog from someone named “Ted” on my employer’s recruiting site. Among the more interesting revelations was a quote from an unnamed sources that the tone of Ted’s writing was
“not 100% human.” To assist with the investigation, I’ll answer some questions based on my special knowledge …

Q. Is it true that Ted’s body is being kept in deep hibernation somewhere underneath Mt. Weather where unspeakable experiments are being conducted and meticulously recorded by hoards of faceless government employees operating as part of a vast global plot?
A. Um… No. You’re thinking of an episode of the X-files.

Q. So you’re saying Ted’s still alive?
A. Yes. I can confirm that Ted is still alive.

Q. I can’t believe he spends all that time with that hot red-head and hasn’t, you know, nudge nudge, wink wink, say no more, squire!
A. X-files, again. Ted does have a significant other.

Q. How do you know this?
A. I’ve met her. I also sit about ten feet from Ted.

Q. Is it true Ted recently purchase a life insurance policy?
A. Yes. And he made some interesting claims about some of his hobbies.

Q. But he’s fine, right?
A. Yes, he seems to be.

Q. Okay… So, like, what’s the deal with his writing being “not 100% human?”
A. Well, let me begin by offering my disclaimer: I read our site all day and the jobs part is the least likely to pique my interest since I already work there. I am pretty sure I read his blog only once. Thus, I’m not going to pass any pop quiz you may offer.

Now that that’s out of the way, I would offer a few thoughts. First, Ted’s blog was a recruiting tool. Even internally a few people suggested HR might be providing some “creative direction,” if you know what I mean. I have no idea if that’s true. Ted’s also a technical person, and as such, probably doesn’t write as much as he used to. I also know that he was trying really hard to squeeze those creative juices out. For example, the white boards normally have random crap on them, often because the trips between floors are too short to find the working dry-erase marker. He was waiting for at least two weeks for something clever so he could snap the photos.

Ted is at least 99.9944% human.

Q. What’s Ted doing now that the blog’s down?
A. Ted is still a web developer. He has personal blog that is much more interesting and random. Outside of work, he indulges his transportation fetish.

Q. Is Bill Curry 100% human?
A. “No comment.”

5 thoughts on “Ted is not 100% human”

  1. Hmm. Creative direction. Unfortunately I have to claim credit for the direction of it. That was probably the undoing of it- having it polished by recruiting or PR would’ve been missing the point. The techjobs page still says “We’ll try to give you the facts – not the normal, glossy overview.” That’s my attitude on things, and having a “polished” blog would have been evil.

  2. oh great, pretty soon we’re going to see an article in a tabloid, proclaiming that ted is part of the alien conspiracy and amazon is propagating worldwide repression .

    😉

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