Step 1: Find the vacuum cleaner. (It’s in the bedroom. No, the other bedroom. Maybe the study? Oh, wait, that’s right, I was vacuuming the garage carpets out – look there.)
Step 2: Buy plastic film (not shown) and packing tape in Costco quantities. (1 CEU = five miles.)
Step 3: Wrap vacuum in plastic film so it doesn’t spoil.
Step 4: Wrap plastic film with packing tape. Men: try not to get tape on your hairy forearms!
Step 5: Mold the edges for authentic look.
Step 6: Take “before” photo for future blog entry.
Step 7: Gently cut the cast.
Step 8: Tape seam, admire handiwork. Lightest… vacuum… ever… and unencumbered by the need for disposable bags. Or electricity. Or breakable belts.
Step 9: Sell faux vacuum on eBay for a million, jillion dollars. Quit day job.
Step 10: Find other things to wrap! (Besides the girl!)
Since tomorrow is April Fools’ Day, the vacuum will mysteriously appear in the middle of my front lawn, underneath the banana tree. Tropical weather is a state of mind! (Flickr gallery.)
-  Mark Jenkins.