Low Carb Coke?

Coca Cola announced a mid-calorie cola named C2, ostensibly to compete with Pepsi “Edge” and billed as a solution to the low-carb dieters who have been marooned on the distant asteroid where Diet Coke is unavailable. The timing of this is funny because I just finished reading Max(x) Barry’s
Syrup, which spoofs marketing in the consumer beverage market (e.g., the protagonist’s first idea is FUKK cola in a black can, aimed at Gen-Xers), and
Jennifer Government, which is the capitalist’s paradise view of the future.

22:19 — I was thinking about the silliness of this “half Coke” this evening…. the press has slyly portrayed Coke as something of a health food when, in fact, if you gave it up, you’d save quite a few calories. So, along the lines of “Coke is Good Food,” here are some suggested avenues for them to explore:

  • Coke with Calcium — Hey, if you don’t drink milk, avoid cheese, hate yogurt, and don’t like the smell of your breath after eating sardines with bones, just try New CoCa — get it, the chemical symbol for Calcium? It might help build healthy bones. From the makers of calcium-fortified frozen concentrated orange juice. (That’s Coca-Cola, aka “Minutemaid” bubba!)
  • Crystal Coke — contains bleaching agents that remove stains from all those years of colas, coffee, and chocolate. No, we’re not copying Pepsi again. Stop laughing at us — Douglas Daft (ed — sorry, couldn’t resist.)
  • Cokuprofin — because sometimes the only things that will get rid of a bad headache are caffeine and an analgesic. (Or a good romp in the hay…. and that’s unfortunately not always an option, especially at the office.)
  • 8 thoughts on “Low Carb Coke?”

    1. I might actually buy it if they offered Diet Cokuprofin, but regular soft drinks taste like syrup to me.

      Funny post. 😀

    2. Actually, the drink sections of the isle are filling up with stuff with “herbal” supplements, so having your colas start adding “medicines” which aren’t regulated by the FDA isn’t that far a stretch (with a cold turned sinus infection these last wo weeks, I could have used a Cokafed (Coke plus Sudafed).

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